“I’m not sure if mules can be male or female. But I’m not really familiar with mule genitalia.”

-Prof. Tim Morris, Contemporary Biology

“My parents told me not to do anything to a girl that I wouldn’t want done to my sister.  So that pretty much ended my dating career.”

- Prof. Toni Chiareli, Intro to Sociology

“I like unicorns, actually. I like mermaids even better. Now you know too much about me…”

- Prof. Wingard, Intro to Philosophy

“In fact, if you look on page 3 of your notes, you’ll see a darkening cloud, sort of like what happened to Brittany Spears. Where everything goes from bad to worse and your career ends.”

- Prof. Herb Ward, Intro to OT, on Balaam

“Me with a map is like a blind man with Victoria’s Secret.”

- Prof. Ray Clark, in World Religions

“I read a little Cosmo from time to time.”

- Prof. Bill Davis, CHOW II

“Ladies, if some guy ever tells you that God told him something that you have to do, tell him to get on a ship!”

- Prof. Pat Ralston, CHOW I, on Virgil’s Aeneid