Over my years at Covenant, I have watched students grapple with heavy things—Organic Chemistry textbooks, the complete and uncut edition of “The Stand” by Stephen King—to varying degrees of success. Some rise to the occasion, enduring obstacles (like those stairs between Founders and Mills) with seeming ease. But I’ve seen too many succumb to the pressure placed on them by their professors and peers.
However, the days of weight are over. Like Wonder Woman leaping through the flames of German gunfire: enter the Fanny Pack. Also called the “belt bag” or “bum bag” by people who don’t like to feel uncomfortable when they speak, the fanny pack has become wildly popular at Covenant College over the first few weeks of the school year.
And for good reason: the fanny pack is incredibly functional; featuring not one but two zipper-enclosed pockets, this trusty belt sack can easily hold daily essentials like trail mix, chapstick, and Uniball Signo DX 0.38mm pens. In addition, fanny packs are spacious enough for any extra items you may have on hand, like phones, wallets, or keys.
“But how does such a full pouch not weigh down your waist?” one might ask.
Ah, ‘tis the mystery (and genius) of these wonderful carry-on bags. Wearing a filled fanny pack feels like nothing at all, and, at the same time, like you could withstand anything life asks you to carry.
And let’s just be honest: we have asked our traditional pockets to do all our heavy-lifting for years, never even considering the idea that an alternative could exist. I’m just glad that many brave Covenant students are leading the charge in this area.
Additionally, though they are easily stuffed, these reusable side containers are just as easily drained. Forget your Scots ID again? Never waste time fumbling for your Scots card in the endless void of your pants pockets again. One quick zip, and you’re one step closer to getting a strep test at the Priesthill Center (I am not sponsored by, or associated in any way with, Nurse Tina).
Furthermore, fanny fans will be quick to point out that waist bags have not neglected the realm of fashion either. In fact, is it not our waists that lead the way when we walk? Would it not be fitting, then, for waist parcels (featuring an endless array of vibrant colors and patterns) to represent the “waist,” so to speak, of fashion?
Indeed, unlike any other conceivable clothing item, hip pockets can go with literally (and I mean literally, literally) anything. Just wear whatever else you want to wear on any given day, click that stylish bad boy into place, and go! Throw away your mirrors; no need for consideration, hesitation, or fear of peer-judging. You have on your hip the weight of the world, and boy, does it feel good.