There’s something about monumental moments that reveals us. When our whole lives are thrown off kilter, the pressure exposes what really lies under the customs and conventions that guide us through our daily routines. I’ve learned a lot about myself during this pandemic. Perhaps more than anything, it has revealed how quickly I pass judgment on other people. I judge people for being too careful or not careful enough, for avoiding any contact with the world or for gathering in groups, for constantly monitoring case counts or for ignoring dramatic spikes.
In some contexts, Christians are called to pass judgment on one another’s actions so that we can encourage each other in holiness (e.g., “Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?” 1 Corinthians 5:13, ESV). Right now, it is valuable to the community if we encourage one another to do the right thing by social distancing, wearing masks, and limiting our exposure.
While one type of judgment is loving and healthy, there is another kind that puffs up the one passing judgment while dividing the community. If you think you know more about the virus, or how to handle it than someone else in your life, that doesn’t give you the right to look down on them or beat them over the head with your information. In fact, it’s actually the opposite; it means you have even more responsibility to honor their comfort levels.
Paul writes, in his instructions about eating meat that had been sacrificed to idols, “Let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother . . . for if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are not walking in love . . . we who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” (Romans 14:13, 15; 15:1-2)
What does this mean for us during COVID-19? It means that if someone’s conscience is bound to be cautious in a way yours is not, your job is to honor that. Don’t tease people for avoiding crowded spaces or sanitizing the desk they use in class. Understand if your friends don’t want other people touching their belongings. Don’t second guess them if they decide to attend church virtually even after their church begins meeting again. Our call to “count others more significant than [ourselves]” (Philippians 2:3) includes honoring one another’s cautions.
We can begin honoring each other by respecting our friends’ choices and by resisting the temptation to assume we know what their comfort level is. We can respect that some people may thoughtfully choose to have family members, significant others, friends, or people from their churches in their circle of close contacts. We can respect that other people may choose to wear a mask and maintain six feet of distance even on their hall.
As we establish new cultural norms around social distancing, we can also ask what people are comfortable with. Saying, “do you mind if I touch your phone?” “are you giving hugs these days?” and “would you prefer to wear masks while we talk?” can go a long way toward affirming that person’s boundaries and your respect for their choices.
In a time that is frightening, frustrating and divisive, when our social norms no longer guide us through our daily interactions, “let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Romans 14:19). Let’s take this opportunity and the clean slate that has been given to us to practice the habit of honoring others as more important than ourselves.