What would it look like to let people know that they are seen, in all their uniqueness and their Christ-imaging, without thinking much about ourselves?
It’s clear in the New Testament that we are supposed to encourage one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. 1st Thessalonians contains a beautiful passage about how we are completely and truly God’s children. Because that’s really who we are, we should live in that truth. Jesus died for the church that we might be one in him, so we should be one: encouraging and building each other up. Jesus restored and is actively restoring both our broken vertical relationship with God and our broken horizontal relationships with each other.
The encouragement we are called to is based on a knowledge of who we are and whose we are. But how often do we encourage others for the sake of our own interests? Do we most often tell people nice things to flatter them (wanting them to like us) or to flirt with them (wanting them to know we ‘like’ them)? Sometimes we compliment people and our real purpose is to present ourselves a certain way, perhaps as humble or nice.
For that matter, how often do we tell them what we appreciate about them at all? Sometimes I’m envious of others and the gifts God has given them to advance the kingdom in our community. I don’t want to tell them they’re doing something well, because I wish it was me doing that thing well. And sometimes, I don’t make the extra effort to find that chapel worship leader or that person with the good opinion in class because that extra effort is one more thing I don’t have time for. But even though I’m not great at it, I think that it is incredibly important to make that extra effort.
Letting people know that they’re pursuing or building Christ’s kingdom in what they’re doing pushes them to keep going, and helps them know that they are valued and important members of our community in small deeds and bigger ones. And when we’re envious of something someone is doing well, one way to die to self in that moment is to tell them that you appreciate them/their talents. Notice the good impulse, the admiration, the appreciation, and die to the other sinful emotions that surround it.
I think that there are a lot of people at Covenant who are amazing encouragers. Some are that way because it is their gifting, and some people have worked really hard to not be self-centered. But what would it look like to be a community marked by encouragement? For men and women to start telling each other what they appreciate about each other without basing the system on undertones of attraction (whether or not that undertone is intended)?
Crucial to a community of encouragement is attention. We should be paying attention to the ways in which our brothers and sisters are being themselves, reflecting their union with Christ, and establishing his kingdom here today. We engage in a lot of analysis at Covenant College, learning to be critical, and that’s a good thing. But we shouldn’t always be critical in the sense that we pick things apart every day of our lives. Noticing the good and the beautiful in others and in their endeavors is so important. And when we notice, we should say something to encourage them to keep going. Kingdom making is hard work; there are many who feel discouraged and unseen.
It doesn’t have to be someone you don’t know well—maybe your roommate makes the world around him a more beautiful place when he writes or talks or cleans. Or our professors who spend a lot of time and effort on the classes they teach and the relationships they build—do you tell them how much you appreciate them on days you aren’t doing course evaluations? Do you notice and say something to the person who serves you food at Chartwells, or the facilities team who starts work early in the morning to make the places around us beautiful and livable?
I think we can encourage each other unselfishly. It takes active effort, but it is a discipline that could shape how we see each other in a way that honors other people in our thoughts, no longer thinking of them only as they pertain to ourselves.