Same-sex attraction is a delicate and sensitive issue that many students at Covenant grapple with in fear and silence. This tension is often a result of conflicting messages from culture and the church asserting they either have to deny their faith and take on an LGBTQ+ identity or convert to heterosexuality. Such a position leaves many same-sex attracted Christians feeling stuck.
Many same-sex attracted Christians feel a great deal of shame, leading to anxiety and isolation from others. The stigma often placed on these Christians makes them feel devalued by others, less likely to seek out help, and more likely to leave the church. These Christians anticipate condemnation from others and often feel distressed, scared of intimacy with the same sex, and fearful of negative social evaluation.
This shame and fear stem from a lack of understanding about how to counsel same-sex attracted Christians who are pursuing a faithful relationship with the Lord. This lack of knowledge could be because we have lost the culture war on sexuality and are trying to protect our churches from deviating from orthodoxy.
Thus, we may put so much effort into upholding the truth that we forget to care for those struggling and confused about how to put the truth into practice in their own lives. Anti-gay sentiments in the church have more of a negative impact on faithful same-sex attracted Christians than we might think. Many same-sex attracted Christians hear the words “unnatural” or “deviant” from the pulpit and have no idea how to confront their attractions or bring this issue to others. They feel like they can not even be Christians and lack support from the church.
I sought out two of my close friends who struggle with same-sex attraction so that I could better understand their experiences and be a voice for how we as a community at Covenant can serve our same-sex attracted brothers and sisters better. To protect their true identity, I am using the pseudonyms of “Angela Clark” and “Jeff Wagner” to refer to them throughout the rest of this article.
Concerning the climate of Covenant College towards homosexuality, Wagner said some people at Covenant have postures of compassion and sensitivity, while others can be more hostile and insensitive in passing jokes and attitudes. Clark generally believes that the climate at Covenant is good depending on what types of circles you are in.
Regarding resources on campus, Wagner believes that Covenant has made some steps in the right direction with the on-campus support group for students experiencing same-sex attraction and believes that conversations around homosexuality are having an impact. He said before coming to Covenant, he had no idea how to deal with his own struggles with same-sex attraction. He had many confusing thoughts, and he wondered why his desires for men were happening. Yet, when he came to Covenant, he realized that there was a conversation around the issue of same-sex attraction and was better able to understand what his same-sex attraction implied for his life as a believer and child of God.
Clark said the resources at Covenant are excellent. While there may not have been much conversation about the subject a few years ago, more is available now. She hopes others can take advantage of these resources to understand themselves better and grasp what real Christain community looks like.
However, even with the resources Covenant has provided recently, both Wagner and Clark expressed experiencing some fears before they disclosed their same-sex attractions to others and sought out those resources at Covenant.
Wagner said one of his first fears when disclosing his same-sex attraction was being treated differently by his friends. Similarly, Clark said she felt worried that some of her friends might think she has a crush on them and be weirded out. She worried that she needed to brace herself to say goodbye to her friends anytime she opened up about her struggle. She said she wanted her friends to know that they were not in danger, as this was not even an issue for her.
Once she brought her same-sex attraction before the Lord and others, Clark said she ended up experiencing great healing and wisdom. The Lord gave her friends who are dealing with the same experiences, and can walk through her struggle with her.
Both Clark and Wagner want others battling same sex attraction to realize that they are not alone. Wagner encouraged same-sex attracted believers to build a community of safe people they trust to help bear their burdens. Clark said she believes when Christians deal with this issue alone and do not open up to others, it can become bigger than it is.
Are we willing to create a campus environment where same-sex attracted believers feel loved and cared for so they can be vulnerable?
Same-sex attracted Christians require love, support, encouragement, and faithful discipleship with fellow believers. Friendships are an essential category for thinking about the type of close, intimate, same-sex relationships that scripture upholds. We see this is the case of David and Jonathan, Paul and Timothy, and Ruth and Naomi. They need close friends who will listen compassionately and speak the truth in love. In Clark’s view, “orthodoxy is orthopraxis, and orthopraxis is orthodoxy.”
I am not trying to assert that people experiencing same-sex attraction are to be patronized or treated in a way that makes them feel like they are more broken than other Christians. Neither am I trying to argue that same-sex attracted Christians are the only ones who have to fight hard to battle their sinful desires. Instead, I believe we need to level the playing field of sexual sin so that same-sex attracted Christians feel less shame and bring their struggles to light just as we all need to as believers in Christ.