You would think because I am paying around 25,000 dollars to attend this college, that it is, you know, an academically focused college. The kind of college that encourages the importance of academics, or students involved in sports, or, I don’t know, literally anything else.
But no, I, a junior who currently has enough credit hours to be a senior, have received an email titled “Engagement Brunch” inviting me, an unmarried, not engaged, not even dating, student to attend a brunch for engaged students. From my understanding (and the fact that they bcc’d everyone so I cannot confirm) this email was sent out to all seniors, or people with enough credit hours to be seniors, under the assumption that enough of them are engaged to have an interest in this brunch.
First off, not only seniors are getting engaged, just want to put that out there. I mean, I can’t tell you of anyone younger than that that I know of being engaged, but I know it happens.
Second off, there has not been a single invitation or brunch in the mentality of “So You Finished Your Degree: What’s Next?” or “You’re Leaving Covenant College: How To Keep Your Faith Strong in the Work Force” or even “You Just Spent Four Years In A Fish Bowl: Here’s How Your Faith Is Going To Be Tested.” (For legal reasons, this one is a joke.)
Or! The thing I have been asking for since my Freshman Year, a conversation on “How To Treat Your Disabled Neighbors Better” because I am tired of how my disability is treated like a novelty on campus.
No, the email I received had the subject line of “Engagement Brunch” and the body said, and I quote, “If you are engaged to be married we would like to invite you and your fiancé(e) to brunch with the [three members of administration on] this [date]. We expect an informal time of conversation to discuss any pertinent topics on engagement and marriage.”
Sure, this could be a beneficial topic of conversation. Sure.
But, it was approached terribly. There should have been a survey sent out, a “hey, if you're interested and engaged reach out to so-and-so” not an email sent out to a mass amount of people that doesn’t even reach the entire group of engaged people.
Also, my point of “Administration Pushes Ring Before Spring Mentality” is not based solely on this interaction. I’ve had conversations with members of the chapel department, student success, music department, history department and theater department, and most have expressed some sort of slight humor towards the idea of “ring before spring,” and that it is not the healthiest thing to push. As well as, most have said some form of “we probably shouldn’t be pushing this” and then a few have turned around and made a joke about it. Most notably, Derek Halverson in his chapel talk earlier this semester.
It is not just the fact that “we are in college, let's learn” that makes the mentality not great, but just the sheer fact that I’ve had conversations with so many people who feel like they have “failed” if they aren’t engaged or dating by their senior year. I have seen people push themselves into relationships that were not the most beneficial, and then boom—they are married. I can distinctly remember an adult making a joke about it being a requirement to graduate (being married) and panicking for a moment thinking I had chosen the wrong college my freshman year.
Marriage is such a great thing. It is! It’s combining people together to make a new family and making a promise that you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person, through sickness and in health, and through all the good and the bad.
Marriage is genuinely such a romantic and wonderful thing and pushing the mentality of “ring before spring” or even repeating it enough times that the entire campus knows it as a joke, negates all of that beauty. So, let’s stop saying it. Administration needs to stop mentioning it. Students, stop making it a joke. Professors, stop making it a joke. Instead, just celebrate with people getting engaged and have conversations one on one.
So, if you’re engaged, congratulations!!! I am so happy for you and would love to celebrate with you!
And to everyone, good luck with finals.