A month ago, pastor, author and speaker Sam Allberry hosted a conference consisting of three talks about God’s design for sexuality. For those who are interested in what he presented, whether you couldn’t go or wanted a review, this is a summary of the talks he gave.
The first talk was titled “Why God’s Design For Sexuality is Good News.” God designed sex to be an act of mutual self-giving. He created humans to be sexual beings and to desire connection and intimacy with others. Sexual desire is spiritual, for it’s a picture of a deeper union or consummation with God. Jesus cares so much about our sexual dignity that he reprimands anyone who even thinks lustfully (Matthew 5:27-28) because lust turns other people’s sexuality into a commodity.
Additionally, sexuality is not an identity or self-expression, contrary to current cultural trends. Everyone carries some level of shame related to sexuality and sexual sin, but no one is more guilty than another, for we are all born impure. Too high a view of sex is deception that it is eternally fulfilling, while too low a view reduces it to merely appetite.
The second topic was about God’s design for friendship. In ancient cultures, friendship was valued higher than romantic relationships. As Allberry puts it, they are a “voluntary kinship.” Allberry draws from Proverbs 27 to describe the standards of biblical friendship: connection, which is a genuine soul to soul attraction; closeness, someone who is comfortable being vulnerable and in whom finds rest for their spirit; consistency, which is someone who will stick with you; and finally, candor, someone who inspires your best and sees the best in you.
Showing interest in others makes you a better friend as well. Jesus is the ultimate friend who identifies with you. He also made it safe for all the worst parts about you to be known.
The third and final talk touched on sexual brokenness. 1 John 3:1 states that we are children of God. We can confidently build our lives on Jesus because He wants our hearts. Like our heavenly marriage, God designed earthly marriage to be a one-flesh union, never to be separated. It relies on the male/female difference. The contrast makes us better image-bearers, each one needs the other, but each glorifies God in different ways. Sin has touched every area of our lives; therefore, we need Jesus when it comes to sexuality.
Sometimes following Jesus feels like he’s taking life from you, but really he is giving life to you. Be clear about the cost of discipleship. All of us struggle with lots of things, but none of us are alone in those struggles.
You’re more defined by your future than your past. God literally came up with the idea of you—he likes you for you! You can fulfill your sexuality without fulfilling your sexual desires.
I pray these nuggets of Spirit-filled wisdom encouraged you as much as they encouraged me. To close, my final takeaway was that marriage isn’t the ultimate goal; knowing the Bridegroom is.