I think all of us, at some point or another—whether we’re sitting in our rooms, going about our day or even in a big group of friends—have had that nagging feeling of loneliness that just doesn’t seem to go away. One of the most frustrating parts of feeling lonely is that it’s a situation that people rarely seem to address, and the fact that we are often too embarrassed to say we are lonely contributes to us feeling even more lonely than we did in the first place.
Because we often have the idea that we could never be alone when we know God is with us, our feelings of loneliness are often compounded with a sense of guilt that either we aren’t as close to God as we should be or that we should be better at making friends.
While taking time to hang out with other people is important, and communing with God certainly is valuable, I think that one of the most damaging things we can tell ourselves when we are in a state of loneliness is that we shouldn’t be feeling that way. After all, if Adam literally walked with God in perfection in the Garden of Eden and still felt like he was missing something by not having another human being to share his life with (“It is not good for man to be alone,” Genesis 2:18), we should understand how normal it is to feel that way in our own lives sometimes. Understanding how natural that feeling is instead of blaming ourselves or explaining it away makes dealing with it much easier.
At the same time, just because we feel lonely on one particular day does not mean we will always feel that way. Knowing that loneliness is temporary helps us to move past it because we know that we just have to push through it – it will not last forever. While loneliness is completely valid and understandable, we have to recognize that there are times that we just did not get enough sleep the night before, or are hungry, overstressed or affected by the gloomy weather outside (do not underestimate the power of Covenant fog).
I have to say that in my own times of feeling lonely, I always seemed to have a hard time finding practical advice about what to do to help me feel better. I can’t say that there is a magical answer, but I can say that there are practical steps that help to ease some of those difficult feelings. First, as simple as it sounds, just telling a close friend or family member makes a world of difference. It may not take away the pain, but it helps to know that someone is there to listen and affirm that you are having a hard day.
Another thing that has been extremely helpful for me is just looking forward to the next time I will be hanging out with someone. It’s impossible to be surrounded by people 24/7, but in those moments we’re by ourselves, we can always make an extra mental note about how fun the next time we hang out with someone will be! Plus, if we want to hang out with someone even sooner, there’s always the option of inviting a friend to catch a meal at the Great Hall or even play cards over a cup of coffee at the Blink.
Everyone wants to love and be loved, so one of the best things we can do when we feel lonely is to go through a list in our heads of all the people we know love us and care about us. Often, by the time we get to the end of that list, we realize that there are a lot more people who love us than we remembered. I’ve also found that taking the time to write a quick text or note of appreciation to some of those people can actually help to ease loneliness. Signing up to volunteer somewhere or finding some other way to serve often has the same effect, because when we show our love to others, we often feel love in the process.
Finally, while we are in those in-between times when we can’t hang out with other people, there is something to be said for enjoying a healthy measure of “me time.” Maybe that means stretching, walking around a little bit, and getting out of our rooms to go sit somewhere else. Getting some vitamin D or having a change of scenery makes a bigger difference than you might think. While looking forward to the next time you’re planning on seeing someone, in the meantime, do something you know that you will enjoy doing all by yourself! Sit at the Overlook! Read a good book! Do a word search or take a long walk.You might even find out at the end of it that you had a really good time! Finally, I have to add that, cliché or not, talking to God about how you are feeling in the exact way that you would talk to a person sitting right next to you is very helpful, too.
While I’m not feeling lonely right now, I have in the past, and, just like everyone else, I’m sure I will have those moments in the future at times. I wanted to be vulnerable and share about loneliness because I think it is something we all experience and do not talk enough about. I hope that discussing this topic will help to foster more conversations about loneliness in our social circles, on our halls and across this beautiful community we have here. To all of my wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ out there who, like me, have experienced loneliness, or are feeling lonely while reading these very words, I want to encourage you that it is completely normal and there are a lot more people going through it than we often think. Hang in there. We are not going this “loneliness” thing alone.